Declaration of support

(να διαβαστεί με βαρετή κυπριακή προφορά. Όπως του αξίζει)

Dear English reading public of ENOSIS and “may your blood become blood pudding”, (άρεσε μου τούτο, πιστή μετάφραση που το original πάντως).

I have read the top secret letter of English School headmistress to Peter Millet, you very skillfully have printed in your wallpaper newspaper and I couldn’t agree with you more. How come I never thought about it? The headmistress is another British agent in this blessed island, another 007 agent whose sole purpose is to «inflict real damage» to your newspaper. Something must be done about all those agents. They are becoming a crowd here people. Is it the sun? Is it the sea? Is it a plane? No! It’s Superman (I run out of my theme, sorry).

They most definitely “will fart on your balls” you brave ones, because your balls are huge and on them is engraved the name of anybody who does not agree with you (one big mother fucking tattoo if you ask me but you can handle it I am sure, being the seed of Leonidas and Alexander the Great).

Yes, please “call upon the Attorney General to take action and throw the bitch out of the country as a dangerous subversive agent of the British Secret Service” because he has nothing better to do than clean louvi and investigate conspiracy theories. It is even written in the Constitution: “The Attorney General’s job is to smell his fingernails and identify potential enemies of the state.” Silly me, I thought that was a job for Will Smith, Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis (after the divorce with Demi). I have probably lost touch with Ant1 (Cyprus) patriotic programs and must see to it immediately.

Anyway, I would like to express my support and declare that I feel very lucky that you brave ones at the souvlaki baking ENOSIS, guard the kerkoportes of this blessed island. We need your brave kind to unmask any new attempt to dehellenise our blessed island and await with agony any new discoveries you make. By the way, please don’t forget to confirm my booking for Saturday night (6 people, all appomenoi). Make sure you guys don’t run out of papoutsakia. The best resistance to foreign evil plans is eating at your joint and reading Xoraitikon einai.

I give you blessings from all twenty of my nails (all hand painted by a Filipino lady) and pray to Despoina All Mighty for you to succeed in changing the headmistress and bring someone from the honourable and respectable OELMEK, the only teacher’s association who actively preaches about peace, love and understanding amongst people.