Thursday, November 19, 2009

Declaration of support

(να διαβαστεί με βαρετή κυπριακή προφορά. Όπως του αξίζει)

Dear English reading public of ENOSIS and “may your blood become blood pudding”, (άρεσε μου τούτο, πιστή μετάφραση που το original πάντως).

I have read the top secret letter of English School headmistress to Peter Millet, you very skillfully have printed in your wallpaper newspaper and I couldn’t agree with you more. How come I never thought about it? The headmistress is another British agent in this blessed island, another 007 agent whose sole purpose is to «inflict real damage» to your newspaper. Something must be done about all those agents. They are becoming a crowd here people. Is it the sun? Is it the sea? Is it a plane? No! It’s Superman (I run out of my theme, sorry).

They most definitely “will fart on your balls” you brave ones, because your balls are huge and on them is engraved the name of anybody who does not agree with you (one big mother fucking tattoo if you ask me but you can handle it I am sure, being the seed of Leonidas and Alexander the Great).

Yes, please “call upon the Attorney General to take action and throw the bitch out of the country as a dangerous subversive agent of the British Secret Service” because he has nothing better to do than clean louvi and investigate conspiracy theories. It is even written in the Constitution: “The Attorney General’s job is to smell his fingernails and identify potential enemies of the state.” Silly me, I thought that was a job for Will Smith, Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis (after the divorce with Demi). I have probably lost touch with Ant1 (Cyprus) patriotic programs and must see to it immediately.

Anyway, I would like to express my support and declare that I feel very lucky that you brave ones at the souvlaki baking ENOSIS, guard the kerkoportes of this blessed island. We need your brave kind to unmask any new attempt to dehellenise our blessed island and await with agony any new discoveries you make. By the way, please don’t forget to confirm my booking for Saturday night (6 people, all appomenoi). Make sure you guys don’t run out of papoutsakia. The best resistance to foreign evil plans is eating at your joint and reading Xoraitikon einai.

I give you blessings from all twenty of my nails (all hand painted by a Filipino lady) and pray to Despoina All Mighty for you to succeed in changing the headmistress and bring someone from the honourable and respectable OELMEK, the only teacher’s association who actively preaches about peace, love and understanding amongst people.


At 19 November, 2009 13:59, Blogger Kykkos said...

Also note that we take no bullshit from any customer. The owner -first- and after the waiters, are always right. Our patriotic food and beverages are always excellent and we never make mistakes. If there is a problem then it's either on your imagination or you are espionage.

At 19 November, 2009 14:34, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ας ταμπουρωθούμε πίσω που τις σιεφταλιές και τους κολοκυθοκεφτέδες και ας δώσουμε την άνιση μάχη κατά των ιμπεριαλιστών, των κατασκόπων, των "δακτύλων" και όλων των άλλων που θέλουν το κακό των Ε/Κ Ιθαγενών (και ιδιοκτητών) της νήσου.
Υγ- όταν πυροβολείς από το μετώπισθεν, τα πυρά σου καταλήγουν στην πλάτη εκείων που αγωνίζονται στην πρώτη γραμμή..

At 19 November, 2009 14:42, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hereby protest with rage (ws tziame pou en paei allo) to your posting. There is only one 007 and not plenty as your article suggests. I also state, emphatically, that he is not in Cyprus nor has he ever been here (at the moment he is negotiating a new contract with Hollywood for the release of his new movie “My cunning plans for Aphrodite, if you know what I mean!!!! ;) ;) XXX rated”.

Your claim is preposterous and I demand a retraction from your part …. or we will sue your ass all the way to the abyss if you fail to do so.

Disclaimer: Any similarities with names, people (real or mythical) or places are to be disregarded since she is a fictional entity.

Future appearances of 007 on the island will be announced in time by our office.

His Majesty’s

The MI5

P.s: loved the part about the farts on the balls. You can keep that; we will not sue for that.

At 19 November, 2009 18:19, Anonymous matilta said...

Appomeni, Duchess of Engomi, calling τον Γελωτοποιό της κάστας της?

At 20 November, 2009 09:53, Blogger drakouna said...

6 of them actually, all very hungry.

At 20 November, 2009 15:51, Anonymous matilta said...

Oh gosh! Is it about the letter that the headmistress of our favorite school is supposed to have sent to Mr Miller? What an offensive language they have used for her my dear; there at the Enosis kebab wallpaper ….no words to describe it … just look for yourself:

Well she actually did mention it to the E.S. parents the other day, in an astonishing presentation (to visualize first bring to your mind OELMEK and then try to imagine the exact opposite). She said that an extreme right wing newspaper called ENOSIS has published a letter and other amazing but untrue things about her.

So there you are the letter is fake. As far as the newcomer headmistress is concerned, little did she know that there, sitting in front of her in the hall (still reverberating with the english hymns I can assure you), were a number of High Class Patriots (the Sirs and Ladies of the Ethnarhia kingdom) who are proud to include in their avli, the yelotopios  you have mentioned.

And yes you are right, what a great service he offers to them. Not only he makes them laugh (and pardon me my dear, I confess I have read some very funny things of his) he also grills cultured kebabs for them.
Two at the PRICE of one.

At 22 November, 2009 09:35, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know I was just about to invite her out to dinner to our favourite Greek cultured place and introduce her to our childrens' spiritual father.Στο τσακ την γλύτωσα and I am still farting ice.

At 22 November, 2009 11:42, Blogger kyriakos said...

i give you blessings from all my 20 of my nails..


At 24 November, 2009 08:49, Anonymous OLD BOY said...

To παιδί σας μπορεί να σερφάρει με ασφάλεια. Μπορείτε πολύ εύκολα να το προστατεύσετε από ιστοσελίδες επιβλαβούς περιεχομένου."

Ολοσέλιδη διαφήμιση της CYTA που είδα στην επιβλαβή ιστοσελίδα της εφημερίδας ΕΝΩΣΙΣ. Εν νοιώθω καθόλου καλά με την ιδέα ότι η CYTA, διά τους μέρος λεφτών που την πκιερώνω κάθε μήνα.

At 24 November, 2009 23:02, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Θα ήθελες να σχολιάσεις στο:

At 26 November, 2009 00:17, Anonymous matilta said...


Bank of Cyprus has also placed full page advertisements.
Does that turn the bank into a sponsor of systematic harassment of people? Has therefore the bank funded the malicious use of LIES. aimed at creating a climate of fear and turmoil in the school. and inciting hatred between students from different community backgrounds?

I say yes but them I am only a simple minded person with a low emotional intelligence (and a high IQ which I found of little help).

If a Bank director happened to be a member of the English School Board, then he should know better. Don’t you think so?

At 26 November, 2009 08:46, Blogger drakouna said...

Yes I do.

But it shows that the power of souvlaki goes a long way in this blessed island.

"I give you souvlaki, you give me advertisement, yes?"

At 26 November, 2009 08:48, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All big organisations in Cyprus are more or less obliged to place ads in ALL publications, either they like it or not, otherwise they are considered to be favouring some and neglecting others... Like with everything in Cyprus, choice is a very relevant term... so, no. It's neither Cyta's nor BoC's fault... or choice for that matter...

At 26 November, 2009 15:57, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If "All big organisations in Cyprus are more or less obliged to place ads in ALL publications" then why Bank of Cyprus does place adverts in ENOSIS newspaper and Laiki doesn't?

At 26 November, 2009 16:11, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have heard worse use of the English language from the current and from the ex- president of the Republic of Cyprus, at a meeting with the PM of the UK and at an interview with BBC correspondingly.. Look them in youTube if you want to..

At 26 November, 2009 19:27, Anonymous matilta said...

It is not any ordinary lamb / pork kebab my dear. This one is cultured in pure and strong Hellenism and patriotism, served in the forever "IN" idyllic setting of the old Nicosia, by long haired "ideologists" dressed in the appropriate code. It gives our patriotic elite that little special that no 4W Range Rovers or Nice Day houses can. It makes them shall I put it

Then comes this newcomer headmistress and completely unprovoked throws the bomb: "an extreme right wing newspaper called ENOSIS".

And they know that this woman carries the unmistaken voice of progress and modernisation of west. The one that they are supposed to represent in this blessed island as they look down / laugh about the "Χωραίτικον is".

Only they are left naked, to look like what they actually are:
A west aspiring reactionary group.

At 28 November, 2009 21:09, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 29 November, 2009 16:55, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Είχα να δω τούτην τη φυλλάδα πολλά χρόνια και από περιέργεια (που ως γνωστόν σκότωσε τη γάτα) έκατσα και εδιάβασα σχεδόν όλο το pdf της έκδοσης. Και ένιωσα τόσο ηλίθια, μα τόσο ηλίθια... Είναι τόσο εμετική όσο ο άλουτος σουβλιτζιής που την εκδίδει και ίσως Δρακούνα μου, δεν άξιζε τον κόπο να ασχοληθείς...

At 09 December, 2009 11:30, Anonymous Η Ενωσις ξανακτυπά (το E.S.) said...

από το νεογενιτσαρισμό που έχει επιβάλει το
ΑΚΕΛ στην Αγγλική Σχολή. Πολλοί φίλοι στέλ-
νουν τα παιδιά τους εκεί λόγω των υποδομών
και των υψηλών ακαδημαϊκών προτύπων που
έχει το σχολείο. Καμιά αντίρρηση γι’ αυτά. Το
σχολείο το έπραξα καλά. Είναι απλά εξαιρετι-
κό. Ένα κυπριακό Ήττον. Η αντίρρηση βρί-
σκεται αλλού. Το διαχειριστικό και το διοικη-
τικό συμβούλιο του σχολείου έχουν επιβάλει
ένα εθελούσιο ραγιαδισμό στους Ελληνοκύ-
πριους μαθητές μέσα από τη διαστρέβλωση προ-
οδευτικών αρχών όπως αυτή της πολυπολιτι-
σμικότητας, της ανοχής στη διαφορετικότητα
και της ειρηνικής συνύπαρξης. Η ηγεσία του
Τμήματος των Φιλολόγων τι κάνει; Απολαμ-
βάνει το Ακελικόν είναι. Δεν έχω στόχο να δαι-
μονοποιήσω το κομμουνιστικό κόμμα της Κύ-
πρου. Ωστόσο, στη συγκεκριμένη περίπτωση
κλαίει η καρδιά μου για το πόσο λανθασμένα
μηνύματα περνούν στα παιδιά όλες αυτές οι αι-
σωπικές αλεπούδες που επειδή έχουν απωλέ-
σει την αξιοπρέπειά τους προσπαθούν να πεί-
σουν και εμάς ότι πρέπει να τους ακολουθή-
σουμε γιατί αυτό επιβάλλει η μόδα


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